The Month from Hell is nearly complete. Things have lightened up quite a bit, but every once in a while I get hit square on by another poo-flinging monkey. At times I am simply astounded how these people can manage to keep their jobs, but then no one EVER asks for my opinion on them - which is probably best all around.
School is almost out, and I had lunch outside today enjoying the beautiful April day. Too bad that it is almost June and we seem to be about a month behind in the weather, but as much as everyone talks about the weather - nobody ever does anything about it.
Well I'm going to see if the ducks are still out (only one duckling :-( ), and if the female is still chasing the male off every time he gets too close (I can just hear them, "Hey baby, how aobut some sugar?" "GET AWAY FROM ME. LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!!! THE KID HAS KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT AND YOU WANT SOME??? QUACK QUACK QUACK!!!!!!"
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Just breathe
Finally. It has been the week from hell. And a pretty crappy month before that. What I find really interesting is that the few other blogs I read seem to be as unable to post anything as I am.
So where do I start. I can't jump into anything pleasant, that would simply be too much all at once.
How about this - the chief monkey got a fricking promotion! Yep, the person who was supposed to be managing the worst cluster-f**k of a project I have ever been on (I say supposed to, because this monkey did nothing of the kind) got a promotion. The one saving grace is that she didn't get a raise with it (I know because last year, when my boss got his promotion, he didn't get a raise. The gorillas only give out raises once a year).
But some good news. The project is done and finally working. Tomorrow will be the last status meeting, with a post-mortem sometime next week. (Boy, do I wish I could give some honest feedback there, but I need my job). Of course this wasn't without a price - the stress and poo-flinging kept increasing exponentially. All the planning and testing with a slight lull, then the actual cutover this past weekend. My bosses boss moved four of us into a conference room for the weekend on Friday - this the development staff. We were there starting at 11 pm on Saturday night, and didn't get out of there until 6:30 am on Sunday. Fun night.
Then of course things started to blow up on Monday. I do like the fact that none of these were coding errors - all configuration. But of course the monkeys couldn't find the things they had set up wrong. Yesterday all the issues were finally resolved, and I even got an atta-boy. Of course that was after being purposefully ignored on the one sent out to half the directors and VP's in the company, that listed the other three people who worked this past weekend, and just lumped me in as "the rest of the team". Stupid and trivial, but especially when my boss's boss said that my vp specifically knew I was there as well, so it meant that I was deliberately left off - I was about to tell them all to take this job and shove it on Monday afternoon, but I kept telling myself I need this job, I need this job, I need this job.
To make things even worse, we had to move our offices (cubicles actually) yesterday, in the middle of trying to fix this stuff.
But the project is over. The move is done. Things are running and stable. I'm taking tomorrow as comp time. And the best part, when I turn my chair around in my new third floor cube, this is what I see (taken with my crappy cell phone with a very dirty lense):
So where do I start. I can't jump into anything pleasant, that would simply be too much all at once.
How about this - the chief monkey got a fricking promotion! Yep, the person who was supposed to be managing the worst cluster-f**k of a project I have ever been on (I say supposed to, because this monkey did nothing of the kind) got a promotion. The one saving grace is that she didn't get a raise with it (I know because last year, when my boss got his promotion, he didn't get a raise. The gorillas only give out raises once a year).
But some good news. The project is done and finally working. Tomorrow will be the last status meeting, with a post-mortem sometime next week. (Boy, do I wish I could give some honest feedback there, but I need my job). Of course this wasn't without a price - the stress and poo-flinging kept increasing exponentially. All the planning and testing with a slight lull, then the actual cutover this past weekend. My bosses boss moved four of us into a conference room for the weekend on Friday - this the development staff. We were there starting at 11 pm on Saturday night, and didn't get out of there until 6:30 am on Sunday. Fun night.
Then of course things started to blow up on Monday. I do like the fact that none of these were coding errors - all configuration. But of course the monkeys couldn't find the things they had set up wrong. Yesterday all the issues were finally resolved, and I even got an atta-boy. Of course that was after being purposefully ignored on the one sent out to half the directors and VP's in the company, that listed the other three people who worked this past weekend, and just lumped me in as "the rest of the team". Stupid and trivial, but especially when my boss's boss said that my vp specifically knew I was there as well, so it meant that I was deliberately left off - I was about to tell them all to take this job and shove it on Monday afternoon, but I kept telling myself I need this job, I need this job, I need this job.
To make things even worse, we had to move our offices (cubicles actually) yesterday, in the middle of trying to fix this stuff.
But the project is over. The move is done. Things are running and stable. I'm taking tomorrow as comp time. And the best part, when I turn my chair around in my new third floor cube, this is what I see (taken with my crappy cell phone with a very dirty lense):
Friday, April 04, 2008
Not sure how to handle it
The monkeys seem to have calmed down - and I'm left at a bit of a loss. Though it does feel like the eye of the hurricane. However in a hurricane the back side isn't as bad as the initial blast, and I know that is just the opposite here.
One recent development. In our organization, the new management really wants to have development and operations completely separate. My immediate work group (the zoo keepers) have been on off-hours on-call support rotation for something like four years now, up until Tuesday. They are done, no more cell phone, no more pages in the middle of the night.
Me, I'm in a different situation, and have been for a long time. I'm on call 24-7, as the backup resource for when the regular person can't handle things (so I'm not supposed to get called unless the fecal material has already impacted the rotational cooling device). Well, apparently on Tuesday they said they didn't need me any more.
My management didn't agree, and switched things around. For one, it would have a significant pay impact for me (much more than it did for the rest of the group, who only got it 1 week out of 6 - I get it every day).
So they said they don't need me on Tuesday. But guess who they call on WEDNESDAY night, and has to work for over two hours from home!
I once heard the expression somewhere that it looks like a monkey f*****g a basketball. Less than 48 hours - I had to laugh. Because otherwise I'd have to cry. Fricking monkeys.
One recent development. In our organization, the new management really wants to have development and operations completely separate. My immediate work group (the zoo keepers) have been on off-hours on-call support rotation for something like four years now, up until Tuesday. They are done, no more cell phone, no more pages in the middle of the night.
Me, I'm in a different situation, and have been for a long time. I'm on call 24-7, as the backup resource for when the regular person can't handle things (so I'm not supposed to get called unless the fecal material has already impacted the rotational cooling device). Well, apparently on Tuesday they said they didn't need me any more.
My management didn't agree, and switched things around. For one, it would have a significant pay impact for me (much more than it did for the rest of the group, who only got it 1 week out of 6 - I get it every day).
So they said they don't need me on Tuesday. But guess who they call on WEDNESDAY night, and has to work for over two hours from home!
I once heard the expression somewhere that it looks like a monkey f*****g a basketball. Less than 48 hours - I had to laugh. Because otherwise I'd have to cry. Fricking monkeys.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Somedays it feels like the monkeys are winning.
While I can't physically use my clue-by-four on the monkeys, just the mental image (monkey baseball anyone?) sure helps my stress level.
And then comes the big monkey. The 800 lb gorilla type. Yep, upper management monkeys (they should have to wear tuxedos, not just tie and jacket (yep, monkey suits)).
I'm a computer programmer. I work for a big company, that a couple of years ago was bought out by a much smaller competitor and taken private. And they seem to be pushing us as hard as they can back into the 1980's - for management, technology, you name it. And proud of it.
Several years ago several of us worked on a project (I was not the chief architect of it, but was a major contributor) that solved a pretty nasty problem very elegantly. The company missed a huge marketing opportunity with it, but the software has been working, and working well, for several years. Gives us several advantages, and has some really neat features. Oh, and did I forget to mention that IT WORKS!!!
But the new 800 lb gorillas don't understand it, because it is based on technology newer than what was available in the 1980's. So they want to scrap it, and go back to what DIDN'T WORK before, because their small company had it working, for a much smaller customer base (like 10% of what we have).
The difference is scale. When we did it their way, we had a person dedicated nearly 100% of his time to fixing issues, and he is not looking forward to going back to that model.
Unfortunately I need my job. And I was feeling good about finally tracking down the latest screwup that the little monkeys had done and getting it fixed.
And then comes the big monkey. The 800 lb gorilla type. Yep, upper management monkeys (they should have to wear tuxedos, not just tie and jacket (yep, monkey suits)).
I'm a computer programmer. I work for a big company, that a couple of years ago was bought out by a much smaller competitor and taken private. And they seem to be pushing us as hard as they can back into the 1980's - for management, technology, you name it. And proud of it.
Several years ago several of us worked on a project (I was not the chief architect of it, but was a major contributor) that solved a pretty nasty problem very elegantly. The company missed a huge marketing opportunity with it, but the software has been working, and working well, for several years. Gives us several advantages, and has some really neat features. Oh, and did I forget to mention that IT WORKS!!!
But the new 800 lb gorillas don't understand it, because it is based on technology newer than what was available in the 1980's. So they want to scrap it, and go back to what DIDN'T WORK before, because their small company had it working, for a much smaller customer base (like 10% of what we have).
The difference is scale. When we did it their way, we had a person dedicated nearly 100% of his time to fixing issues, and he is not looking forward to going back to that model.
Unfortunately I need my job. And I was feeling good about finally tracking down the latest screwup that the little monkeys had done and getting it fixed.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Some days are just better
Anyone who actually has to work for a living knows that work sucks. Not always, but in general. Sure some people love their jobs, but I believe most of use work to pay the bills, not because we just love what we are doing. As I tell my kids (and stole from "That 70's Show") if it were fun, then it would be called "Happy Fun Time", not "Work".
But, some days are better than others. And at times, you actually get to work with good people, instead of poo-flinging monkeys.
Case in point - my boss, this morning, brought me in my very own Clue-by-4, that he made in his workshop this weekend. (And if I haven't said it before, I do like my current boss!).
But, some days are better than others. And at times, you actually get to work with good people, instead of poo-flinging monkeys.
Case in point - my boss, this morning, brought me in my very own Clue-by-4, that he made in his workshop this weekend. (And if I haven't said it before, I do like my current boss!).
Unfortunately I do have to act like a reasonable person, so I can't bring it into the daily status meeting to 'impart' a clue to the team of monkeys, but just knowing it is sitting on my desk gives me a warm feeling inside. And being able to imagine using it just warms the cockles of my heart. And that yellow thing is back in the sky today. It looks like it could be a very good day!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
What is that bright yellow thing . . .
up on the ceiling of the big room. You know the room - it used to be painted blue, but since October has been grey. The one that maintenance refuses to come and fix the leaks in - I swear the last two days there was water everywhere - almost like somebody turned on the sprinkler system. Someone managed to actually switch it back to blue again today, but what is that bright yellow thing?
Yes, today is the first day of spring. We have had a sun sighting. It is still cold, of course. We couldn't actually have a nice day, now could we? Of course after today it looks like more rain and snow for the next week. Since when did we move to Seattle anyway?
I know my SAD is getting worse. I keep hoping for some warm, sunny - dare I say "Spring Like" days - but not getting any. The irony is that if I got on medication to help, by the time it kicked in after 4-6 weeks, then we would actually have some sun which would help to take care of the problem anyway, without drugs. *sigh*
Yes, today is the first day of spring. We have had a sun sighting. It is still cold, of course. We couldn't actually have a nice day, now could we? Of course after today it looks like more rain and snow for the next week. Since when did we move to Seattle anyway?
I know my SAD is getting worse. I keep hoping for some warm, sunny - dare I say "Spring Like" days - but not getting any. The irony is that if I got on medication to help, by the time it kicked in after 4-6 weeks, then we would actually have some sun which would help to take care of the problem anyway, without drugs. *sigh*
Clue by Four
Boy do I need one lately. Both for myself (occasionally), but more just to keep the monkeys at bay.
As my son pointed out - my name should be Goober DippenDoodle, showing that even I'm an idiot at times (quick hand count of everyone who is surprised. None - thought so!)
What is even scarier is trying to figure out how to use it such that you can 1) give the moron a clue but also 2) encourage them to use it! See, some of the monkeys actually have the capability to evolve. Yes, I have had the experience of them actually using more than one brain cell at a time, as hard as that is to believe, and we all want to encourage any sign of intelligent behavior, no matter how slim.
Otherwise we just have to spend our time behind the rotational cooling device, and hope it isn't pointing at us when the poo flinging starts and the excrement impacts said device.
Friday, March 14, 2008
New Meme: Goober FeatherDoodle
See what your new name is…
We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute.
Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. If we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not.
Here is your dose of humor, simply follow the instructions to find your new name.
And don't go all adult - my boss is now known far & wide as Crusty Pottyhump!
The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...
So:-
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name:
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.
And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your day
Let me know what you new name is!
BTW, I named all the monkeys I work with:
And the zookeepers (those who actually have a brain around here:)
We all need a little stress-reliever! This only takes a minute.
Sometimes when you have a stressful day or week, you need some silliness to break up the day. If we are honest, we have a lot more stressful days than not.
Here is your dose of humor, simply follow the instructions to find your new name.
And don't go all adult - my boss is now known far & wide as Crusty Pottyhump!
The following is excerpted from a children's book, Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...
So:-
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name:
- snickle
- doombah
- goober
- cheesey
- crusty
- greasy
- dumbo
- farcus
- dorky
- doofus
- funky
- boobie
- sleezy
- sloopy
- fluffy
- stinky
- slimy
- dorfus
- snooty
- tootsie
- dipsy
- sneezy
- liver
- skippy
- dinky
- zippy
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
- dippin
- feather
- batty
- burger
- chicken
- barffy
- lizard
- waffle
- farkle
- monkey
- flippin
- fricken
- bubble
- rhino
- potty
- hamster
- buckle
- gizzard
- lickin
- snickle
- chuckle
- pickle
- hubble
- dingle
- gorilla
- girdle
3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
- butt
- boob
- face
- nose
- hump
- breath
- pants
- shorts
- lips
- honker
- head
- tush
- chunks
- dunkin
- brains
- biscuits
- toes
- doodle
- fanny
- sniffer
- sprinkles
- frack
- squirt
- humperdinck
- hiney
- juice
Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is: Fluffy Chucklefanny.
And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day; adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your day
Let me know what you new name is!
BTW, I named all the monkeys I work with:
- Crusty DippenChunks
- Goober BattyShorts
- Crusty ChickenDunkin
- Doombah SnickleDoodle
- Snickle PottySquirt
And the zookeepers (those who actually have a brain around here:)
- Snooty FrickenButt
- Dipsy FarkleDoodle
- Farcus GizzardBrains
- Crusty DippenShorts
- Dorfus GizzardJuice
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Extra spoonful of stupid on your cornflakes this morning
I swear, some people just heap it on. I'd like to think it can't be natural, evolution should have weeded out anyone that stupid eaons ago. But I think that humans are breeding for it. But I digress.
What gets me the most aren't just the stupid people, the the ones who think you are as idiotic as they are.
Case in point, at work the other day (and why is there such a greater concentration of morons in the work force than in the rest of our life - or do we just notice them there more because we have to interact with them?). One of the monkeys asks for help doing their job (testing an app) in an email. I reply back that I need to know what it is they are working on specifically, not an unreasonable request, though you would think that anyone with a functioning brain stem would have included that information in the first place.
So this monkey sends off an email to another testing group, asking them to get me the information I need to do the monkey's job. And CC's me on the email - perfectly reasonable. I get my copy, as expected, and since I can use more than one brain cell concurrently, I understand that the monkey sent it to both of us (besides, I see my name on the CC line, as well as half the department).
The monkey then sends me an email, telling me that she just emailed this other persone and copied me on it. Because the monkey (and it is very difficult to write these without using pronouns that would reveal the sex of the monkey, which I'm deliberatetly hiding to protect the extremely guilty) somehow doesn't realize that I will get the copy she sent.
I'm going to email you to tell you I emailed you. That is like calling someone to tell them you are going to call them.
At least the monkeys haven't started to fling poo (at least not in the physical sense, though their emails would definitely qualify). Though there is a completely different monkey, who I don't work with but sits in my area, who if he can't learn to take one more step forward at the urinal so that he quits pissing on the floor is definitely going to continue to test my stress level until I do finally choke somebody!
What gets me the most aren't just the stupid people, the the ones who think you are as idiotic as they are.
Case in point, at work the other day (and why is there such a greater concentration of morons in the work force than in the rest of our life - or do we just notice them there more because we have to interact with them?). One of the monkeys asks for help doing their job (testing an app) in an email. I reply back that I need to know what it is they are working on specifically, not an unreasonable request, though you would think that anyone with a functioning brain stem would have included that information in the first place.
So this monkey sends off an email to another testing group, asking them to get me the information I need to do the monkey's job. And CC's me on the email - perfectly reasonable. I get my copy, as expected, and since I can use more than one brain cell concurrently, I understand that the monkey sent it to both of us (besides, I see my name on the CC line, as well as half the department).
The monkey then sends me an email, telling me that she just emailed this other persone and copied me on it. Because the monkey (and it is very difficult to write these without using pronouns that would reveal the sex of the monkey, which I'm deliberatetly hiding to protect the extremely guilty) somehow doesn't realize that I will get the copy she sent.
I'm going to email you to tell you I emailed you. That is like calling someone to tell them you are going to call them.
At least the monkeys haven't started to fling poo (at least not in the physical sense, though their emails would definitely qualify). Though there is a completely different monkey, who I don't work with but sits in my area, who if he can't learn to take one more step forward at the urinal so that he quits pissing on the floor is definitely going to continue to test my stress level until I do finally choke somebody!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Cool Tools
It kind of amazes me how many cool things are out there, and the fact that they are free. For example, Google lets you know all sorts of stuff about how people find your sites etc, including your blogs.
Does it scare me that a major search item on my home site is "teenage boy streaks"? Slightly, but at least that isn't the phrase on the site, I just happen to use those
three words when describing puking down the side of a car.
Of course topless hits it the most :-) I bet those searching for that never expected the pic they find there!
Pretty easy, if a bit hard to find for those not quite inclined.
So, to see how google sees your site, simply follow these instructions:
Now got to Statistics on the left, and top search queries, to see what things point to your site!
For February, people found this log all sorts of weird ways:
Some of my readers are just as weird as I am!
Does it scare me that a major search item on my home site is "teenage boy streaks"? Slightly, but at least that isn't the phrase on the site, I just happen to use those
three words when describing puking down the side of a car.
Of course topless hits it the most :-) I bet those searching for that never expected the pic they find there!
Pretty easy, if a bit hard to find for those not quite inclined.
So, to see how google sees your site, simply follow these instructions:
- log in to google.com. If you don't have an account, create one.
- click on the My AccountU in the upper right corner.
- click on Webmaster Tools under My Products on the right.
- you will see a Dashboard, with all your sites. If your site (or blog) is not listed, enter the URL in the box and click Add.
- Verify your site. The instructions are simple for sites you actually code up - but how do you verify a blogger site? Click the Verify link, then select the Add a meta tag dropdown.
- Open a second browser window, and go to your blogger dashboard.
- Click settings for your blog, then choose the layout tab
- Click the Edit HTML link
- go back to the verify page, and copy the verify meta tag they display.
- In the Edit Template box, you should see a tag about 1/3 of the way down. Paste the meta tag on a separate line below this tag.
- click the SAVE TEMPLATE button.
- back on the verify page, click the Verify button.
Now got to Statistics on the left, and top search queries, to see what things point to your site!
For February, people found this log all sorts of weird ways:
| # | % | Query | position |
| 1 | 9% | nutritional value frickers | 8 |
| 2 | 9% | twisted minds humble | 8 |
| 3 | 9% | cub scout pack 840 west carrollton | 10 |
| 4 | 6% | annette wild clairvoiance | 4 |
| 5 | 6% | frickers weightwatcher points | 4 |
| 6 | 6% | inside an egotistic mind | 4 |
| 7 | 6% | stubborn shit will not wipe up | 5 |
| 8 | 6% | frickers nutrition information | 7 |
| 9 | 6% | poems about kindness f0r weakness | 9 |
| 10 | 6% | wall chair lifting women can men "can t" | 9 |
| 11 | 6% | mind way | 10 |
| 12 | 6% | twisted minds lafayette | 12 |
| 13 | 6% | twisted mind blog adult | 16 |
| 14 | 6% | keeping it twisted | 28 |
| 15 | 6% | literary figures who are loyal and generous | 53 |
| 16 | 6% | nurgle "t shirt" | 115 |
Some of my readers are just as weird as I am!
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