Frustrated

by poor customer service. Weight Watchers has been having an issue lately with their PDA application - Weight Watchers On-The-Go, an app to track your points on your PDA, as well as calculate food and exercise points. One of the requirements however is to synch up with their servers to both upload your information (so you can see and edit it on their site) as well as download any new data (i.e. new food point values).

Well the synch for this has been broken for about a month now, and it isn't just me. All sorts of people, with a huge variety of PDA's (all running Palm-OS) and versions of windows are all having issues.

Me, I'm just about fed up. To the point I was thinking about writing my own app to do simple point tracking, though I did find another freeware app that does it, and I am just trying to learn and get used to it.

So why is this important? Because so far I can't seem to do very well without tracking my points - this morning I weighed in at home at 172.0 - still in my goal range (actually exactly at goal), but up 3 lbs in 2 weeks - not good at all. And it isn't just Thanksgiving, which was bad enough, but everything else, and I seem to want to just blow it all over the place when it comes to eating. You think that after a friggin' year (14 months!) new and better habits would be ingrained, and while they are to some extent, I still find myself not stopping when I've had enough, and just munching when I'm not really hungry.

So time to keep tracking - and to learn this new program. Plus I do still have a bit of a belly (that is where most of my fat goes anyway), so it wouldn't hurt to drop another five pounds or so. The thought always occurs to me to go for the big gold ring for my keychain - the 100 lb award. But that would put me at 152 - and I don't think I have that much to spare. So that isn't realistic. Even though this program sets my 'ideal' weight at 160, which isn't that far off.

On a happier note, today at work we had our first annual departmental awards, and I got recognition as part of a team on a big project. Only a cheap (i.e. a printed certificate tacked to a fake board with a thin piece of plexiglass) plaque (c'mon - show me the love - the $$$$ kind!) but it was something.

On friday we have the company wide awards - and I was nominated for a "Consistent Performer" award - this would be for people who would be nominated for "Employee of the year" on an annual basis. I doubt I will get it, but I do have to be recognized for being nominated (which I apparently was by my vice-president - not bad).

I did it!

After 14 1/2 months. 83.8 (down 1.6 last night) lbs (to 169.0). I made lifetime at Weight Watchers.

Maybe now I can 'relax' a bit - not abandoning what I've gained and learned, but quit stressing about it all the time.

I've actually noticed a little loose skin - that will probably never go away. I'd still like to lose a bit around my middle, but that is where the loose skin is anyway, so how much would it really be noticed?

One thing I wonder about is how much I still need to track everything - can I maintain without that regimine?

At least I did it before Thanksgiving - the annual celebration of gluttony and football! I don't have to weigh in again until December - and I can decide when I want to (so if things look bad I can wait a bit and work on it myself). I figure weigh in before Christmas would be good, and then maybe late January. :-)

The big question now is what will I post about? I'll actually have to use two brain cells at once and think a bit. :-)

why do I do this to myself?

I guess it is like picking at a scab - you know it is bad but you can't seem to stop. Maybe this is what addiction is like.

I need to throw out the scale. As of this morning I'm down two pounds from last weeks weigh in - this after being up over 5 this weekend. WTF!?! *ARGHHHHHHH*

I know I won't get rid of the scale, but this big of fluctuations drives me insane. Especially here at the end - it feels like tomorrow is all that matters in this entire journey, and I know it isn't.

I've got myself worried because while I can work out tomorrow, it won't be right before I go weigh in - and that is breaking my pattern, which isn't comfortable for me.

Right before the finish line

and I feel like I'm about to blow it.

Next week I should make Lifetime at Weight Watchers. And it seems like this week I can't stop shoving things into my mouth!!! This morning I was up over 5 lbs on the scale at home since Wednesday! It is like all the discipline that I developed over the past 15 months has gone out the window, with one week to go!

Now that isn't really correct - I have a lifetime to go and not be fat again. The past three weekends I have felt like I've completely blown any type of control, but still didn't come out too badly from it. But now I won't have any extra points for the weekend already, and we are going to a cook-out (or cook-in) at my boss's on Sunday as well.

I need to make sure I get workouts in (I've been slacking off on that as well), and maybe duct tape this gaping hole in my face SHUT!!! *sigh*

At some point this should be a bit easier, but it doesn't seem to be. I just feel tired, and want to not be worrying about it all the fricking time.

by a thread

but still hanging on. Weight was up half a pound this week, and I feel like I need to start being a bit more careful - or I'm going to lose all the progress I've made.

I really haven't been able to get my mind wrapped around work at all this week - I just seem to feel tired and like I'd rather be absoutely anywhere else than here.

Stress

Stress: The confusion caused when the mind overrides the bodies basic desire to choke the living shit out of someone that desperately needs it.

I've been feeling a lot of stress lately, from many different directions.

Last weekend I flew out to Colorado to see my Mom for her 70th birthday. She was surprised and cried (I shoot, I score, I win!!!) That was nice. Going to lunch with my 82 year old aunt - much less so. She lives in her own worls, and is so surprised when any and everyone does not cater exactly to what she wants. I felt a lot of stress about that, and just traveling in general.

Work is causing a tremendous amount - getting the new employee handbook with all the new changes (losing 2 holidays, changes to sick time policy, etc).

Having people who seem to be not doing their jobs, and avoiding them, causes me a lot of stress. Especially when that is a volunteer position, and others are depending on it. Lots and lots of stress there.

The band boosters had to cancel tonights Blues Brothers concert, because the students didn't get out and sell tickets.

I went out at lunch today and bought a laptop for doing the band booster stuff. I'm feeling very frustrated about it as well - but that is because I have this new toy sitting in my trunk that I can't play with :-)

My weigh in this week, amazingly enough after feeling like I blew it completely all weekend, was dead even again - still hanging at 170.0, 82.8 lbs down, for the third week in a row. Two more weeks until lifetime.

Days like today I really feel like I have a very, very serious drinking problem - I don't do nearly enough of it!!!!! Not by a long shot.

Yes, I'm feeling quite a bit of stress. All stressed out and no one to choke!