Monday, December 21, 2009

I Hate My Job

Ok. I don't hate my job. In fact, I really like it. Maybe even like-like it. But in a manly way of course.
However, I did find this over at Murder Burger, a site for a hamburger restaurant in New Zealand, that I just had to share it. Enjoy, and if you are ever in Aukland - this sounds like a great place for a hamburger.

I Hate my Job

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career oppertunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work. He probably hasn’t been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he’s only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960’s, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Christmas Letter 2009

Hello to all our friends, neighbors, family, acquaintances (and just who are some of these people anyway?):

Tide and time wait for no man, nor for any family. The Ohio branch of the Carter clan is still enjoying the good life in the paradise here, luxuriating in the beautiful . . . ok I almost got through that with a straight face. While we still aren’t in the big city, life in the suburbs continues on. This has been a year of changes, but then what year hasn’t.

The biggest change since our last annual letter is, wait for it, . . . Employment! And that is always a good change. The good news is that after two months of looking, I found a contract position with Computer Sciences Corporation. The bad news is it was in Detroit. A short term contract over the holidays turned into a three month engagement, and by the time I completed it I knew could drive I-75 in my sleep (and sometimes did ? ). Fortunately, after only a single week I was able to land a permanent position with The Design Knowledge Company in Fairborn – a difference of only 1200% in commute time (from four hours to 20 minutes). It is a strong, growing company and I am really enjoying working at a place that respects and appreciates its employees. In what little spare time I’ve had this year I chaperoned band camp again, and have continued to play games and win a few small awards.

Diane’s year has not been quite so strong. As is in the news, the Real Estate market is not the best place to be right now. The highlight for her (and for me) was her company’s annual convention – which was held on a Caribbean cruise in February. Diane continues to write the monthly band booster newsletter, as well as a monthly Women’s Council of Realtors newsletter (yet I am still the one that has to write the family letter every year – go figure!).

Becky is doing well for being almost two years out of college. She still works full time as a sign language interpreter at a high school, as well as doing some freelance interpreting, and interpreting through a video relay service. Lou got a puppy this summer and Becky is in love with her . . . and Lou too. She is still living in Minneapolis and having fun.

Jon is in his fourth year at Bowling Green State University, still majoring in Psychology with an art minor. He has changed apartments, and still continues to work for food services on campus. He had a bit of a scare this fall when his hand slipped into a vat of hot oil while demonstrating how not to clean the fryer, but it turned out not to be as bad as he first thought, and has completely healed up with no lasting effects.

Katie graduated from high school in May, and on her 19th birthday moved into her own apartment. She had started school at Sinclair Community College, majoring in creative writing. At the beginning of December she moved into a new apartment, this time without a roommate, and is looking forward to living completely on her own. She also has said that she is looking for a job, and we all are anxiously waiting for her to be employed again.

Erik is a senior in high school this year, and is looking forward to graduation in May. This fall he was featured five times in the marching band show, including opening the show with a solo. The band managed to qualify for finals at the mid-states marching championship for the first time in seven years – quite a big deal for them. He is still involved in the Jazz band (and you should hear him scat!). Ohio Northern University is currently at the top of the lists of colleges he would like to attend, looking at majoring in computer engineering (a micro-chip off the old block, you might say ? ).

Matthew is a sophomore at WCHS and also in the marching band, having loads of fun playing baritone, including being in a quartet with his brother (that the director liked to call the “Carter Brothers Gospel Quartet”). He is still growing, and looks to soon be the tallest one in the family. He was elected patrol leader in his scout troop, and just received his Life rank, and has begun working on his Eagle.

Scout spends his time sleeping, eating, sleeping, patrolling the yard, and sleeping, and doesn’t let anything get in his yard, except maybe the squirrels. He was recently upset by the idea that he might only be able to sleep for 20 hours in a day, however we quickly managed to bust that myth wide open.

2009 has been a year with many ups and downs, and we look forward to 2010 for more improvements. As always, we wish you and yours the very best during this season, and throughout the coming year.

Wishing you always...
Walls for the wind,
A roof for the rain
And tea beside the fire.
Laughter to cheer you,
Those you love near you,
And all that your heart may desire

Mike, Diane, Becky, Jon, Katlyn, Erik, Matthew and Scout

Monday, December 07, 2009

A date which will live in infamy

And how many people remember it today? December 7th, 1941. What strikes me is the parallel the attack has to September 11, 2001.

What is unfortunate is the difference in response.

"Always will we remember the character of the onslaught against us. No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.

I believe I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make very certain that this form of treachery shall never endanger us again.

Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory and our interests are in grave danger.

With confidence in our armed forces - with the unbounded determination of our people - we will gain the inevitable triumph - so help us God." - FDR, December 8th, 1941

What have we learned? Even more important, unfortunately, what have we forgotten since then?

It may be 68 years later, and it seems that as a country, as a people, we are but a pale shadow of those who came before.

There is a joke about the French, saying that they should be thankful to the Americans that they don't speak German now. What I'm wondering is, in forty years time, who might we be thanking that we don't speak Arabic?