Walking thoughts on a nice day

Yes, it seems to be that extremely rare occurrance here, a nice day. Mid 60's at noon with a small breeze. And the second one in a row - I guess I had better enjoy these few days of actual spring.

Taking a walk at lunch, and going to get my butt kicked at water aerobics again tonight (it must be a good workout if you are sweating while in the pool).

I was down 3 lbs yesterday, but back up this morning. I so hate the variable nature of the human body. But I have managed to hit the gym 15 of the last 16 days, so that is good.

Ok, enough looking at my phone, time to enjoy the sunshine for once.

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it

I think it is harder being fat in the summer, because you are always just a big ball of sweat. Of course it isn't actually summer yet, just hitting over 90 outside with the humidity making it feel like 98, and still going up. Of course the air conditioning in my van is still broken, so it makes for a nice, toasty evening commute home.

They can't seem to get the AC balanced at the office either - my office is a bit too warm, however I did find that the vent was partially covered (from back two years ago when it used to get way too cold - go figure). Maybe it will get better now.

At least the boss went out and bought ice cream for everybody - a nice, fattening, break.

Weight - again

Fat. I'm fat. I have to admit that first before I can do anything about it, and I am trying to do something about it.

This feels like deja vu a bit, or another glitch in the matrix. Oh yeah, maybe because I was here before : http://puggimer.blogspot.com/2006/09/weight.html

What is worse is that this time I'm not only fat, but also a failure. Why - because at one time I wasn't fat : http://puggimer.blogspot.com/2007/10/he-shoots-he-scores.html . I hit my weight and BMI goals, and finished maintenance on Weight Watchers to achieve lifetime status.

So what happened? I said I was going to keep it off, and obviously did not.

Part of it was support. At my goal weight I didn't really have any. In fact I had a lot of negative feedback about it - people saying that I actually looked sick and gaunt. I had some people asking Diane if I had cancer. Nice way to be encouraged.

I also was so tired of watching everything that went into my mouth and counting points.

I let it slip, but when it started to slip I paid attention, and got started back with weight watchers at work. Lost a couple of pounds there, back towards where I wanted to be. I admitted that I didn't need to be at the perfect weight (and my doctor even says that the BMI range may not fit me right - he is thinking around 200 and I agree).

But I was starting to watch it again, and then lost my job. That was good in a way, because for at least the first few weeks I was so depressed I wasn't eating :-). Unfortunately that couldn't last, and I got a job, but it was in Detroit, so I was eating out Sunday night through Friday night. Plus a lot of beer at the hotel bar for the first half of the contract (until I moved to a cheaper hotel). I tried to work out a bit after work each night, and was doing ok.

Then I got this job. A great job. But no workout facility (yes, that spoiled me). And I was tired of making my lunch - that gets boring having the same stuff after a few years, even if you know exactly the points for it. Then it just went. Since I started here I've put on almost as much as I lost before - such that I am bigger than I was before I started last time five years ago.

So I'm fat and a failure. But once more I am trying again, and I figure one way to help was I held myself accountable here, and will do it again.

I weigh 275. I need to get down to at least 200, but probably not to 169 again. Diane and I have joined LA Fitness to work out - they have one near her work and near mine, so I am starting to go work out at lunch again. Not quite as convenient as being in the building, but still only a few minutes away.

We started on Saturday, and I did strength training (i.e. weights) again for the first time in over three years on Monday. And that means, of course, that I hurt. I hurt all over, but especially in my abs, my thighs, my upper arms and across my chest. And it will be time to do it (weights) again tomorrow. oh boy.

I don't know if I will do weight watchers again or not, though it could work to work out after work on Wednesdays then head to a meeting again - that always felt like I was working the system and not being quite honest (though you can't work the system for 70+ lbs, can you?)

However going back to my old meeting makes me feel like an even bigger failure. Probably time to just man up and it - the accountability helps even if the support doesn't feel like it sometimes.