Fat. I'm fat. I have to admit that first before I can do anything about it, and I am trying to do something about it.
What is worse is that this time I'm not only fat, but also a failure. Why - because at one time I wasn't fat : http://puggimer.blogspot.com/2007/10/he-shoots-he-scores.html . I hit my weight and BMI goals, and finished maintenance on Weight Watchers to achieve lifetime status.
So what happened? I said I was going to keep it off, and obviously did not.
Part of it was support. At my goal weight I didn't really have any. In fact I had a lot of negative feedback about it - people saying that I actually looked sick and gaunt. I had some people asking Diane if I had cancer. Nice way to be encouraged.
I also was so tired of watching everything that went into my mouth and counting points.
I let it slip, but when it started to slip I paid attention, and got started back with weight watchers at work. Lost a couple of pounds there, back towards where I wanted to be. I admitted that I didn't need to be at the perfect weight (and my doctor even says that the BMI range may not fit me right - he is thinking around 200 and I agree).
But I was starting to watch it again, and then lost my job. That was good in a way, because for at least the first few weeks I was so depressed I wasn't eating :-). Unfortunately that couldn't last, and I got a job, but it was in Detroit, so I was eating out Sunday night through Friday night. Plus a lot of beer at the hotel bar for the first half of the contract (until I moved to a cheaper hotel). I tried to work out a bit after work each night, and was doing ok.
Then I got this job. A great job. But no workout facility (yes, that spoiled me). And I was tired of making my lunch - that gets boring having the same stuff after a few years, even if you know exactly the points for it. Then it just went. Since I started here I've put on almost as much as I lost before - such that I am bigger than I was before I started last time five years ago.
So I'm fat and a failure. But once more I am trying again, and I figure one way to help was I held myself accountable here, and will do it again.
I weigh 275. I need to get down to at least 200, but probably not to 169 again. Diane and I have joined LA Fitness to work out - they have one near her work and near mine, so I am starting to go work out at lunch again. Not quite as convenient as being in the building, but still only a few minutes away.
We started on Saturday, and I did strength training (i.e. weights) again for the first time in over three years on Monday. And that means, of course, that I hurt. I hurt all over, but especially in my abs, my thighs, my upper arms and across my chest. And it will be time to do it (weights) again tomorrow. oh boy.
I don't know if I will do weight watchers again or not, though it could work to work out after work on Wednesdays then head to a meeting again - that always felt like I was working the system and not being quite honest (though you can't work the system for 70+ lbs, can you?)
However going back to my old meeting makes me feel like an even bigger failure. Probably time to just man up and it - the accountability helps even if the support doesn't feel like it sometimes.
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