Applications, resumes' and recruiters - oh my

And so it begins.

Sending out applications and resumes'. I already had a recruiter call me about a job in Columbus - an hour and a half drive to Dublin but the job actually sounds pretty good, and as it is a contracting position it wouldn't last forever.

I wish I could make my stomach settle down though. I feel like I'm about to puke constantly. For probably the first time ever (aside from when I'm sick, which is rare) I am not hungry. I had to force myself to eat something earlier, because I was feeling lightheaded. (But I guess beer and peanuts for dinner the night before will do that to you the next morning).

I know I will get through this, and things will be so much better on the other side. It feels so much like my divorce when I think about it. And I repeated the same stupid pattern of trying to make a bad situation work, instead of getting out when I should have. Yes, it is a pattern in my life.

I feel, I guess panicked is the best word. Overwhelmed. Like I don't knwo what to do, where to turn, anything. I'm so far out of my comfort zone that I wonder if it exists at all any more.

I did get my unemployment application in, and several job applications in. I will do some more this afternoon, though I'm already finding that I want to be careful and not send out duplicates because I see the same job on multiple sites.

And I wonder - could I get a security clearance? What are the 'real' requirements (I doubt they are public you know). How badly would my divorce affect it (or my gay ex-father-in-law with the columbian life-partner who lives in Hong Kong?) (Speaking of which, I got yet another call from someone looking for my ex the other day - and she had listed me on something - ignoring the fact that we have been divorced for what - 9 and a half years now?

Ok, enough procrastination - time to get back at it.