God I feel old

and I'm not that old, really. 44 is a far cry from being dead. I still feel ancient. Or more aptly, like a dirty old man. And a pathetic one at that.

Here I am, working 200 miles from home. I spend my nights at the hotel bar, eating dinner and drinking. Bad enough, I know. But then there are these cute bartenders (both female). And while they are cute (did I say that already?) and one of them jiggles really nicely, I still can't help but be reminded that I am old enough to be their father. And not any of this barely doing it at 16 either - these girls (ok, technically women, but c'mon, at that age they don't want to be called women, do they?) are both younger than my step-daughter!

I haven't started to lose my memory (yet). I can remember back in high school. Sitting there in math class, and it was like the teacher had erection radar - the only time you I would be called up to the blackboad was when I had a sponaneous woody in my pants - for no other reason than I was 16. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to go back to that, by any means. I was actually a bit grateful the day I realized that I no longer had to worry about attempting to hide inappropriate bulges in my pants because there was a strong breeze, or a member of the opposite sex within a five mile radius. However, it would be nice to think that I was actually still alive, and could appreciate the assets of a pretty girl, in more than a slightly academic way.

*sigh*

I seem to have missed that 'normal' stage of a sex drive - and gone from the teenage 'WAY TOO MUCH' to the middle age 'where did it go?'. The hardware still works fine, it is the software that doesn't seem to be keeping up.

Honestly, a few years ago it was more of an issue - but now it just seems to be.

I hate feeling old.

If it isn't one thing . . .

*sigh*

Today seemed to start off good. Got to the client and pretty quickly got access to the software I need. Of course then later this morning I finally find out where the actual code is - but do I have access there? Of course not - yet another different request to get that.

I would think that since I seem to be the last team member on this project that they would know what we need alreadyan and would have put all the requests in - if not before I got there then at least as soon as I did. It seems like every day there is one more thing I need that I should already have and I don't.

I also thought we would be working 4 x 10, but apparently not. Which makes me a bit curious about the team members who left thursday afternoon to go home. And travel time is not billable (I could hope but didn't expect it), so did those guys really just lose a day and a half? And what about the on-shore people (the ones they brought over from India to code the project - who aren't going home on the weekends for sure)? Friday I checked several times and never saw any sign that any of them were in at all.

Plus I still don'kt have all the set up from my company yet. I hope it feels a little better once I can put in my time and expense reports, since without those I don't get paid!

Oh well, if I didn't have something to complain about then I'd have to make something up!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

ID-10-T error

We now resume our regularly scheduled rant - hopefully without another pre-mature transmission (we all know how messy and embarrassing those are.)

Two examples, both with my new job. First is the weather. The horrible snowstorm was all over the news last night with another one to follow on Sunday. Should I stay up here or brave the roads to be home - and if I do, will it take 6-8 hours again like it did Tuesday?

The bigger one was simply my own self doubt about this job. Can I do it? Am I the expert that my job title says I am? Do I know enough to not be an idiot here? Yes, I've had a lot of self doubt the past couple of days. And not being able to remember a technical component (JMX) the first day didn't help.

But I feel better now. I have finally found some of the documents I have been looking for - and they make me feel much better about what I know and what I can do / provide here. I don't think the client's use of the technology is nearly as advanced as I first believed - the stuff we did before was much, much more. I still have more to research, but I'm feeling a lot more comfortable, even if I still haven't used JMX.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Realistic expectations

How do I set more reasonable expectations in life? I don't mean goals or projects - just be more accurate in what to ezpect day to day.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Waiting is the hardest part

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Came to work
And sat there. And sat there. And sat there.

Ok, so it is first thing in the morning - I have to at least wait for people to come in so they can check to see if I have been set up. Unfortunately, knowledge of this does not make me less frustrated about it.

Then the weather. A big storm tomorrow, and another on Sunday. The days I need to drive. Just friggin great. I'm really thinking that I may just have to stay up here through the weekend simply because of the weather. Aarrgh.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Sigh - more waiting

Now it looks like no access unti tomorrow. My role is helping w/ tech design and mentoring the programmers - not really programming myself.

Of course all the documents I need to start wrapping my mind around this are on the share - there is very little paper around here it seems.

Speaking of which - got the rest of the starting paperwork filled out - I'll have to send it from the hotel tonight though.

Oh, and one minor annoyance - the time on the phones is 4 minutes fast, as is the time on the wall clocks. Same with the clock in my hotel room. What, is Michigan in it's own time zone 4 minutes ahead of the rest of the world?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Expectations

Hmmm - so far (like half a day) this does not feel like I expected - not that it is bad or good mind you.

To me, when I thought about getting paid double what I was - I just felt like when we had brought in high priced consultants - it was critical to utilize all of their time. The other employees would stop their other projects to make sure they were working with these people. We would prepare as much as possible before they arrived and be working within an hour bringing them up to speed on the project and the issues we were going to be working on.

So far that has not been this - not by a long shot. I get the feeling so far that this is much more like a regular job - just much more focussed (there is no one to interrupt me with other projects after all). Everyone on the project is a contractor from the looks of it (most of them from India).

Also of interest - my badge is set up until the end of next month, and they are already talking about extensions beyond the first of the year (one team member who will be doing the testing was supposed to start next week - but now appears like it will be the first of the year.

I just hate the waiting and attempting to look like I'm worth my pay check.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

More and more waiting

Got a badge and I'd number now - so next step is computer access (which requires the I'd number). I hope all the software is already installed so I can start to look at things before the 3:00 team meeting.

Kind of ironic a bit when you think that here I am working at a huge insurance company - when we don't yet have any ourselves (however this job will either allow me to pay for some, or I will get a permanent position pretty soon.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Day one

Rushing around only to end up sitting and waiting. The mgr had an unezpected meeting - though I did see my half cube on the way in - all the cubes here are tiny, with only half walls - so you look up and see everyone around you. Kind of warm in here as well - will be glad to get started so I can off the suit jacket. Also doesn't look like anyone else is wearing a tie - but then as a consultant I think I should be a bit better dressed than the others.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

OMG

Over 8 friggin hours! For only what - 230 miles or so. And I have to get the drug test done before I get to the client site in the morning - so definitely have to be up early
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry