Slightly more coherent

Figure yesterdays rant was wild enough of a ride for anyone right now. We'll put Mr. Toad back in the garage and let the saner portions of drive for a bit!

Back on track for the weight - down 1.6 yesterday to 210.6. It was a bit surprising, because I didn't feel like it. But the week before I did, and was up. I have decided to make a few changes though - to try and get a bit more accurate, and less guessing. For one I've started bringing my lunch, so I know exactly what is in it. What amazed me is how big of a sandwich I ended up with for so few calories (and half of those were just the two pieces of bread!). And it is funny, it won't fit into a 'sandwich' bag - I have to use the quart size one ziploc instead! Picked up some 98% fat free lunch meat, and 2% cheese, plus then I can use my good garlic mustard on it, and not have so much that it squirts out of the sandwich. It's not hot, but then I still have the cup-a-soup as well.

In other areas, I'm watching myself pretty closely lately, as it does seem that I'm starting to slip back into my depression. A few times in the past I've managed to pull myself out before it got so bad that I needed to go back on my meds - but I just have to watch it. With all the stress of work lately, the miserable weather, money concerns all are contributions to it.

Part of it may be that things have finally seemed to slow down - giving me more free time. Of course what am I using that for but to sit on my butt and watch TV. At least I'm not watching crap - instead watching very well written shows - 24, Heroes, Lost, Grey's Anatomy, Battlestar Galactica. I was watching Dr. Who, but the 2nd season is over and they take almost a year to bring the new ones over (I wish they would bring Torchwood over).

I need to paint more, but have no deadline there, so the mini's just sit there. I also need to work on my writing (which at least this is a (very) small part), but that also is just sitting there right now. There is no deadline at all on that - so it just sits there, mocking me. :-)

That is one of the symptoms I need to watch - the not caring about things - feeling apathetic. My emotions seem to be ok (when I am in a serious depressive episode I have a real hard time controlling my emotions, at least while I'm 'alone' (i.e. it has never been a problem when interacting with people - but spontaneously crying during movies and tv shows, or when working - because some song come on)). So haven't been weeping, nor yelling at the kids (more than should be expected that is :-) ).

So keeping a watch for now.

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And I've finally posted a new chapter in my life story - so if you just can't get enough of the insanity, head on over here.